I almost passed out this morning. My body couldn’t figure out how to absorb the pain that was being forced through me. To compensate, my brain was on the verge of shutting me down to protect me from feeling anymore.
The pain was a convergence of two separate pelvic pains. The first is the undiagnosed pelvic pain I’ve been living with for over 18 months. This pain is with me every minute of every day with varying degrees of intensity. It is accompanied by referred pain in my legs and back. The second pain, is a recurring one and has been with me for a few days because of the not-so-joyful miracle that is womanhood. My periods have been unbearable since the arrival of my first one when I was almost fourteen. I dread them. When they show up the cramps simultaneously apply a vise-like squeeze and stab my lower abdomen; and the lower backaches and leg pain make standing straight difficult. What a wonderful time to be a woman (imagine that swimming in sarcasm).
Each of these pains is like a super villain jockeying for the role of superior ruler of the realm formerly known as my body, which is no longer controlled by my will. This morning I was captured and held hostage while the two battled each other for supremacy. For a few hours my period was on top. I definitely felt her dominance when I was reduced to a sobbing, crumpled ball on my bathroom floor begging for mercy.
For now the two seem to have reached a truce. They have divided the territory within the borders of my pelvis to build their individual camps. They have settled in for the foreseeable future. When they will pull up stakes and leave permanently is an unknown.
I got through this morning’s battle because I didn’t know what to do except stop resisting the pain. The tenser I became the more intense the pain became. While I was on the bathroom floor I positioned my body in child’s pose. It is the one yoga pose I can move my body into without adding to my pain. It helps to calm my body just enough so I can cope. This morning it helped me to surrender.
The Beatles – Come Together