Intellectually I understand the definition of referred pain – pain felt at a site different from that of an injured or diseased organ or body part – and how “it is due to the fact that nerve signals from several areas of the body may “feed” the same nerve pathway leading to the spinal cord and brain.” I also understand how it’s physiologically possible for pain signals to get altered as they travel along the nervous system to the brain and result in horrendous pain in a body.
But, after all this time I still can’t make sense of how it’s possible for something in my lower abdomen to cause me to feel so much pain in my legs, back – and since my unsuccessful procedure in February – by right butt cheek. Since waking up this morning my legs are on fire and my back hurts from my lower spine to my neck. I can’t find a comfortable sitting position. I’m walking like someone whose body is significantly aged and has experienced decades of brutal punishment. While every nerve in my body is on high alert waiting for what might come next.
I feel such burning pain that I imagine it would be easy to set another person on fire with the slightest touch from my skin. Today is not a rare day. This is the kind of pain that I am now accustomed to feeling. Whether it starts early at the break of morning, in the middle of a brightly lit afternoon, or as evening winds into the darkness of night, my pain cannot be separated from my body. All the same, the intellectual logic of knowing why this is happening cannot blend with the desperate, emotional child trying to jump out of my body and run as far away as possible from all this pain.
A Flock Of Seagulls – I Ran