InkTober: Day 12 – Worried

Worried is the constant state in which I have existed for just over three years. I’ve spent part of each day worried about one thing or another. How long will it take my doctors to figure out the exact cause of my pain? How long will the pain medications work or will they at least do their job today? How long will I have to take pain medications? What long-term effects are the pain medications having on my body? How many more side effects will show up? Should I go to the hospital emergency room to get some help to cope with a pain spike? Will the hospital staff think there’s nothing wrong with me and that I’m there seeking drugs? When can I go back to a normal life? And the most persistent worry, when will the pain stop?

So yes, I worry a lot. I know it doesn’t help at all because stress has a direct effect on pain, but it’s hard to feel like you have no control over what is happening to your body and not be worried about it.